Back To December
by Takianna
Summary: Obidala fic written for the 10th anniversary of the Obidala fan forum. What if they wanted to go back and change the things they said to each other, but now it was too late to make those changes?


_I'm so glad you made time to see me._

 _How's life? Tell me how's your family?_

 _I haven't seen them in a while._

 _You've been good, busier than ever,_

 _We small talk, work and the weather,_

 _Your guard is up and I know why._

 _Because the last time you saw me_

 _Is still burned in the back of your mind._

 _You gave me roses and I left them there to die._

 _ **Back to December - Taylor Swift**_

"Senator Amidala will see you now," the woman at the desk said pointedly toward Obi-wan. He gathered himself to his full height and wrapped his cloak around his body, protecting himself against whatever he feared might be coming from her.

The doors to her office opened and he entered, seeing her sitting at the large glass desk in the corner. Her dark hair was wrapped into two tight buns on either side of her head and she wore a lush purple gown, trimmed in the most delicate gold lace.

She was everything he remembered and his breath caught in his throat as he took in her beauty. This was a mistake, but he needed to see her. There were things he needed to tell her before he didn't have a chance to say them again. No one knew what would happen as the war raged on and he might never get a chance to say all the things he needed to say to her.

His heart screamed to be unburdened of the desires he felt for her and Obi-wan would oblige his heart this one time.

"Master Kenobi," she said rising from the desk to meet him halfway through the room. She greeted him with a small and took his hand, shaking it as she would any other visitor. Obi-wan bowed to her, but never took his eyes from her face.

"Senator Amidala," he said and slid into the chair she gestured he take. He watched every move she made as she settled into her chair behind the desk. He sometimes wondered if she had to take classes on how to sit in some of her more regal gowns.

"I hope that you are well Master Kenobi," she said looking at him with a gentle grace that only she could pull off. Obi-wan wondered if her thoughts were in turmoil like his were at this meeting.

"Things are well," he said. "Anakin sends his best. He will be leaving to go to Christophsis in a few days."

"Yes, I hear there has been some trouble there," she said. "Now what is it you would like to talk to me about?"

Obi-wan's mouth was dry. She was rather to the point, but he was sure she had other appointments that were far more pressing than his heart pouring out on the floor. This had been a foolish need for him to interrupt her day with and he knew it.

"I'm leaving to join him as well," Obi-wan said starting off shaky. "I wanted to talk to you before I left. No, I didn't want to, I had to talk to you before I left."

The look in her eyes changed to a sadness he hadn't seen since the last time they spoke to each other. It was a sadness he knew he caused her. He hated himself for the way he treated her, but there was a time and place for everything. There hadn't been time for what he felt before, but he wanted her to know she had never suffered alone. He suffered all the time, struggling with feelings he knew he shouldn't have about her.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, her voice catching.

"Padme I know on that night, I left so many things unsaid," he started. She put up her hand to stop him from continuing.

"That was a long time ago," she said.

"It wasn't right."

Padme rose from her desk, turning to look out the large window behind him. He wondered if she was trying to hide her true feelings from him, or if he was so disgusting to her now that she had to stop looking at him.

"If you think revisiting this will make things different, you are wrong. We both know you did what you had to do for duty. It's all you've ever cared about and I should have known it was that important to you," she said quietly.

Obi-wan stood up and joined her at the window, letting his arms encircle his waist as they looked out the window. She made no move to push him away and he felt her relax into her as his fingers joined at the front of her waist.

"It is different," he said just as quietly. "I want you to know that if I could go back to that moment and change everything, I would. I would tell you that I felt all the same things for you and I would want you to know that I would do anything to be close to you."

"But you can't go back."

The silence was long between them, but neither of them moved. Obi-wan enjoyed the feeling of her in his arms. It was something he should have done a very long time ago, but he never had the nerve, like he did now. Knowing he could never see her again, made this so much more important than any duty he would perform or be asked to perform. It made this the most necessary thing in his life right now.

"I don't know if I'll come home, but I want you to know that I have always loved you," he said finally turning her around to look at him.

"You can't say that Obi," she said breathlessly.

"I can say whatever I want because I might never get to say it again."

In that moment, there was just the two of them. The world, their duty and everything else was gone as they stood in this moment.

"Don't talk like that," she said trying to keep her voice steady, but Obi-wan could feel her shaking in his arms.

He leaned down and planted a kiss on her lips. It was chaste, but beautiful. It was everything he thought it would be, but it was over far too quickly as the comm sounded on her desk.

"I better get that," she said prying herself from his arms. Obi-wan stood, feeling very alone, and watched her answer the comm.

"Thank you," she finally said closing the link. "I have another appointment."

"Thank you for your time," Obi-wan finally said as he straightened his cloak. He smiled at her as he strode towards the door. As he approached the door, he stopped and turned around to look at her one last time before he left. He wanted to remember the flush in her cheeks and the look on her face. He wanted all of these things to go with him in case he didn't come back.

"Good bye Obi-wan," she finally said.

His heart jumped into his throat, making it difficult for him to speak. The door opened and a large group of senators stood in the waiting room, their heads turning to look in his direction. Obi-wan smiled at them and bowed before exiting the office.

There were no promises of later and there were no promises that they would ever begin a relationship, but she knew how he felt and he could go peacefully to the force knowing she had his heart.


End file.
